Interlude: A Temporary Thought #1

So yes, at first I wanted to write this on tumblr, but I think I need to put some intermezzo in this blog as well.
I knew this blog has been so thoughtful and (mostly) somber, with a little ingredients of love story as a pie in the sky, and I have decided to put seriousness as the main theme for this blog.
Anyway, considering a thoughtful temporary thought that has just come right to my mind, I just want to tell you guys a little bit about me, which might be the past, or the present, or the future of each of us. Hopefully this writing could reflect our minds in order to achieve a better thought. Enjoy the somber tones, guys.

The thought begins when I was brokenhearted.
Since the melancholy began, I've been thinking all day about my life, about hope, about love, about sin, about the unfulfilled expectations, and many other things that (consciously or not) has been my mind's daily food.
These thoughts are always haunting my mind, and sometimes these same thoughts strongly encourage me to have a sunny day, or go back to the past where all was cloudy and dark.
I don't know.

So I read a tweet from Will Smith Parody whose some of tweets are usually wise (and biblical as well).

If you're reading this, that means you're alive. Congratulations. If it's not a thing to smile at, then I don't know what it is.

Straightforwardly it means "Life is a thing to smile about, cheer up!". (at least that's my interpretation up to this moment).
Hence, I re-tweeted the tweet, and I put it as one of my favourite.
But suddenly I think, as I usually do (come on, be open minded, Indonesian! This is an honesty, and this is not bragging. On the other hands, we do all think, right?)

What did I think about?
I thought about my past where everything was dark.
I had been thinking that I was right and living in the truth when I was in High School. I was so ambitious to argue. I loved to watch people down. I enjoyed winning a debate.
I wrote essays and articles about cultures in my hacked Facebook account.
I was so proud about myself.
But deep inside, I felt so strange. So empty. So dark. So lonely.

And so I hated life and all the things within.
and everytime a person told me to cheer up, I labeled them as douchebags. I labeled them as innocents who hadn't known anything about life and its irony.
I hated every positive things, and I did not believe in any kinds of amusement, or joy, or laughter.
Smiles and laughter were all fake for me. What I believed was the only thing I believed: Sorrow.
(and as this writing goes on, I am a bit in to my past. I'm fitting myself in to the past.)
Am I believing it as I used to do?

-To be continued-