Unfinished Soliloquy #0613

Here I am again, using the library's computer to type things instead of using my own.

Not that I don't have any, but I don't feel like using it.

Why do I choose to use the library's computer?

Why do I make irrational choices?

Why is there any choices at all?

The answer used to be revolutionary, but then it has become tasteless.

"We are human.," They say.

"We make mistakes." They say.

"Our choices make us human." They say.

But why do I feel like my choices have not made me embrace the reality? Why do I have no sense of eigentlich in life?

We, pathetic human beings, are trapped within the present.

Before we come to see how it is supposed to work - that fortune of "living in the moment" - , it is prudent, at least for me, to see what present truly is.

Time and space keeps on moving, and our beings now: dear readers, I who am writing right now, live in various spheres of (illusionary? real?) present.

The orb seems to drags us constantly AWAY from the past, heading to the FUTURE.

But what if I don't want to move?

What if the present, which has then become the past (and in other sense, the future), is everything I need?

"I AM."

How ridiculous it is to ponder upon the concept of present as it keeps moving on.

The present WAS when I typed the clause "I AM". But the present has now become the very moment when I type this sentence out.

Past and future, they are all one in essence, and they are LINKED by the present itself.

So as the clock keeps ticking, the device becomes the symbol of the present's constant movement.

It drags every being, every entity to move to the "future" - or, in a more appropriate sense, move ALONG with the Presence itself.

Thus, there are at least two concepts of present, which are actually - again - one in essence:

1. The ephemeral present, which soon becomes the past.

2. The eternal present, which keeps devouring future into itself.

[Or probably, in a more radical (but narrow) way of thinking, there is no such thing as past and future - they are merely illusions.

What is there is only presence (TO US).]

After all, then, no matter how "condemned to be free" a human being is, we are pathetically trapped by the second present (the ever moving one), while our minds are inevitably constructed by every second's ephemerals.

Facticity is the passed away present.

Encompassing is the soon-to-be present.

Then we are doomed to live with the present itself - doomed not because the present is necessarily painful, but doomed because we have no choice to choose which "present" we want to put our presence in.

Time drags us away from both sweet and sorrowful memories, making it a bittersweet ontological condition.

Then once again, what we (at least) I need to think is...

How should I have a relationship with THE PRESENT?

Again, in the age of deconstruction and postmodernism, along with the fruitful humanism where subjectivity is celebrated, I, too, as a clueless follower of the age would not write my