Remnants of Life

I wanna go back to where everything seems to be clear. I wanna be the person who can see that beauty and kindness will overcome the horrible truth of the existence of darkness.
I just wanna know that all the hatred I'm feeling is fleeting, and I can be sure that I'm wrong.
I wanna know once again what it feels like to be in love, to have your life revolving around someone special, someone different from others - at least before my eyes.
I wish I could believe that I, too, am going to heaven.
I wanna see that the good actually win, and those who win are truly good.
I wanna know a reason to live, a reason to fight for goodness, a reason to give my all for a cause.
I wanna believe that - instead being evil - we're all helplessly lost inside darkness.
I wanna know if there's light at the end of the tunnel, and happiness is within our reach.
I wanna believe what I believed.
I just wanna go home.
But another part of me despises all the above.
Telling me that home is lost, and there's no going back,
That now the path of darkness and pain has become the only thing I understand.