25, 25, 06, 2020

She knows that birthdays always make me nervous.

She's been there.

The thing about birthday is that it has this unwritten rule where suddenly you're put on the main stage.

There's this unconscious desire to feel the need to be important for the whole day.

And it can be toxic at times.

You become very demanding to the world that doesn't owe you shit.

You become scared of things that may go wrong.

You become so attached to a day that moments may go by before you appreciate it.

And as you reach 25, you become more and more disillusioned that you try your best to tear apart the blanket of childhood comfort and childlike joy that appear out of nowhere on the day where you were born.

In a world where you don't matter, why would your birthday matter?

And so you construct a belief that it is just another day.

And you wish that it is just another day.

And you act as if it is just another day.

"It's safer that way.," you say.

But as life is always full of surprises, if you're lucky enough, you find the good kind of surprise.

Sometimes it is the people you meet along the way who think that you and your stupid little birthday actually matter - even if you think it doesn't.

Sometimes it is random kindness that greets you from the corners you have not seen before.

Sometimes it is simple sincere greetings from acquaintances that are kind enough to find the strength in them to wish you well.

And most of the time, it is the shower of good thoughts from the one who loves you the most in many ways you never dreamed of when you were much younger.

To strangers, 

To acquaintances, 

To friends,

And to her, especially to her,

Here I raise my cup of quarterlife gratitude.

May every good wish and kind thought find its way to each of you.